Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
try to milk me bitch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
