The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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