someone get that fucking seahorse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
