Say something about gay babies.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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