i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
