he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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