also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
