she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
