it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My cat gives me a boner
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
