There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
