wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
