so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
