btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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