My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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