do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
