after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
