Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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