I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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