dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
