get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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