my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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