my mouth tastes like poor choices
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
