Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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