:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
