stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
