Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
