I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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