so that wasnt chicken after all
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
