You're so nebulous sometimes
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
