there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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