you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
