im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
