Porn is love you can see.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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