Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
