Little spoons don't ask big questions
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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