I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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