my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
