I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
