my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
