First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
jump out the window naked night went bad
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