i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
