Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
