You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
