their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God, I missed his penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
