so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
