You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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