the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
