That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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