I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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