I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
